For a long time, I thought confidence at work was about certainty.
Having the right answer, saying the right thing, walking into a room and looking like you belonged there without a flicker of doubt. I spent years trying to perfect that version of myself – the version of me who never hesitated and who never got things wrong.
Why fear of getting it wrong affects workplace confidence
What I didn’t realise then is that the fear of getting it wrong quietly shapes so much of how we show up at work.
It sits behind the carefully worded email you rewrite five times before pressing send. The idea you keep to yourself in meetings because you’re not sure it’s “fully formed” or the opportunity you talk yourself out of because you don’t tick every box.
And often, it disguises itself as professionalism, high standards or being “considered”.
But underneath it all, it’s fear.
Fear of judgement, looking foolish and being “found out”.
I know this because I’ve lived it.
Early in my career, I became very good at reading rooms. I learned what was acceptable to say, how to adapt my tone, when to soften my views. I convinced myself this was emotional intelligence. And in many ways, it was. But it was also a way of keeping myself safe and avoiding mistakes. I never wanted to give anyone a reason to question whether I deserved to be there.
But what I’ve learned through my work, and through writing Decoding Confidence, is that confidence isn’t the absence of fear. It’s our relationship with it. Confident leaders aren’t immune to getting things wrong, they’ve simply made peace with the idea that failure is part of learning, leading and growing.
This is why one of the habits I explore in the book is Learning.
Learning asks us to loosen our grip on perfection. To replace “I must get this right” with “I’m willing to learn out loud”.
Getting it wrong can feel risky.
But there’s also a deeply human layer to this fear that we don’t talk about enough.
For many of us, especially those who’ve had to work harder to be seen or taken seriously, getting it wrong can feel risky. It can feel like proof that we never quite belonged in the first place. That pressure to be “twice as good” doesn’t disappear just because you reach a senior role. If anything, it can get louder.
This is where self-empathy matters. Another habit I come back to again and again.
Confidence grows when we learn to speak to ourselves with the same generosity we offer others. So if you’re holding back right now because you’re worried about getting it wrong, ask yourself: What would I do if I trusted myself to learn as I go?
You don’t need to have it all figured out and you don’t need to wait until you feel “ready”.
Confidence isn’t a prerequisite for action.
It’s something that’s built through action, reflection and compassion.
And sometimes, getting it wrong is exactly how you get closer to getting it right.
If this idea resonates with you, I explore confidence at work in much more depth on my podcast, “Decoding Confidence”. Each week I unpack the habits, mindsets and experiences that shape how we show up at work. You can listen to all the episodes on my website or wherever you usually get your podcasts.
And if you’d like to explore your own workplace confidence or work together, feel free to get in touch.
