It’s something I hear often in coaching sessions, workshops, and casual conversations alike:

• “I’d love to post about my achievements on LinkedIn, but I don’t want people to think I’m showing off.”
• “I want to speak up about something that bothers me at work, but I’m worried people will see me as disruptive.”
• “I’d love to go for that big opportunity, but what if others think I’m not qualified?”

Sound familiar?

We spend so much of our energy worrying about how others might perceive us. The result? We shrink. We hold back. We edit ourselves to fit into someone else’s expectations. And in the process, we risk sidelining our own ambitions.

But here’s the thing: someone once told me that in five years, half of the people you know today will no longer be in your life.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Strangers in the making

Colleagues will move on. Leaders will change. Networks will shift. People come and go. Yet how often do we distort ourselves, limit ourselves, or silence ourselves for people who will one day become strangers?

It doesn’t mean other people’s views don’t matter at all. Of course, feedback can be helpful, and relationships are important. But when fear of judgement stops us from trying, creating or speaking up, it’s worth asking:

“Whose opinion am I really living for — theirs, or mine?”

Your future self is watching

Instead of worrying about side characters in our current chapter, what if we focused on the main character in the final one, our future self?

Picture yourself at 80 years old. Looking back on your career, your choices, your impact.

Do you want to say: “I lived a fulfilling life, never shrinking to be accepted by others”? Or do you want to look back and see all the times you held back because of what someone else might have thought?

That shift in perspective can be powerful. When you zoom out, the fear of being judged in the moment feels a lot smaller compared to the regret of not trying at all.

Why we hold back

At its core, this comes down to fear:

• Fear of rejection.
• Fear of failure.
• Fear of being misunderstood.

But here’s the truth: people are far too busy thinking about their own lives to spend much time critiquing yours. And guess what, those who do spend their energy tearing others down? They’re not your people.

Practical ways to stop worrying so much

If this resonates with you, here are a few ways to start shifting the focus:

1. Reframe “showing off” as “showing others what’s possible”

When you share an accomplishment online, you’re not bragging – you’re role-modelling. You’re showing colleagues, peers, and future leaders that something can be done. That might just give someone else permission to try.

2. Anchor yourself in values, not approval

Before speaking up, ask yourself: Am I acting in line with my values? If the answer is yes, then it matters less how others perceive it. Integrity is more sustainable than popularity.

3. Keep a “confidence file”

Track your wins, feedback, impact and moments you’re proud of. When the fear of judgement kicks in, remind yourself of your evidence. It’s harder to doubt yourself when the proof is right there.

4. Test the worst-case scenario

What’s the worst that could happen if you post, speak up, or apply? Often, the imagined fear is bigger than reality. And even if someone does judge, you’ll survive it and learn from it.

5. Focus on your future self

Next time you hesitate, ask: Will this matter to me when I’m 80? If the answer is no, that’s a green light to take the leap anyway.

Don’t let side characters take the lead

At the end of the day, this is your story. Your career. Your life.

Other people will play roles – some major, some minor, some fleeting. But they are not the main characters. You are.

So don’t let side characters take the leading role in your story.

Speak up. Share your wins. Apply for the audacious opportunity. Do the thing that scares you. Not because everyone will applaud, but because you owe it to yourself.

And when you look back years from now, you’ll be grateful you chose courage over silence.

Final thought: The next time you feel yourself holding back, remember this: half the people in your life today will drift away in the next five years. But your future self will always be with you. Make choices that make them proud.

We help you build more confident workplaces through effective internal communications so people and organisations thrive. Get in touch for a free discovery call.

PS. If you enjoyed reading this, check out Reclaiming Your Voice