We tend to get confidence wrong.
Somewhere along the way, it’s become tangled up with being loud. Being visible and being the person who always has something to say in meetings.
But that’s not confidence. That’s just one way of showing up.
A lot of the research I’ve been doing for my book has reminded me of something I’ve seen again and again in real life and at work that some of the quietest people have the biggest impact.
Quiet confidence is overlooked
People mistake confidence about having centre stage energy but it’s not, it’s about having self-trust.
It’s trusting yourself to handle disappointment when things don’t go to plan.
It’s knowing you can have a difficult conversation without avoiding it or burning bridges.
It’s making the right choice, even when it goes against the grain.
And it’s being okay with not being liked by everyone, as long as you’re being true to yourself.
None of that requires you to be loud.
In workplaces, we tend to spend a huge amount of energy on the people who fill the space. The ones who speak quickly, confidently and often. And to be clear, that isn’t a bad thing because those voices matter as well.
But they’re not the only ones that matter.
The reflectors.
The listeners.
The people who speak when they actually have something of value to add.
And yet, they’re the ones most likely to be told to “speak up more” or “be more confident”.
But what we’re really saying, often without meaning to, is to be more like the people we already notice.
Some of the most confident people I know don’t need to dominate the room. They trust themselves enough to wait, to listen, and to say the thing that actually needs saying. Even if it’s uncomfortable or if it slows things down.
That kind of confidence is quieter. But it’s also steadier and in the long run, it’s often the kind that shapes decisions, culture and outcomes.
So if you’ve ever felt overlooked because you’re not the loudest voice in the room, don’t change who you are. Stand firm in your belief, confidently hold your place and keep steady in your values even if others may try to shake them.
And if you’re a leader, it’s worth asking whose confidence you’re really rewarding. Who gets airtime, interrupted and overlooked in meetings.
Remember confidence doesn’t always look impressive in the moment.
Sometimes it looks like self-trust.
And sometimes, it changes everything quietly.
P.S. Have you listened to Advita’s new podcast yet?
If this blog resonates with you, you can explore confidence at work in more detail on the “Decoding Confidence” podcast. Each week unpack the habits, mindsets and experiences that shape how we show up at work. You can listen to all the episodes now wherever you listen to your podcasts or on my website.
And if you’d like to explore your workplace confidence or work together, let’s chat: get in touch by email or use our contact form.
